i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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