Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Got a toothbrush?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
