with your own penis?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
