ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
