we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no more duck duck goose at the bar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
