i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
