Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
