I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
