a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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