mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
