so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
