as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
