You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
