It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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