champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He has the fingertips of a God
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