If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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