apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wish there were birth control emojis
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
