Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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