xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
