When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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