Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
