My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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