saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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