Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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