Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
