So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
