A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
