I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
