I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
