i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
