I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
