Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
