Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
