peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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