Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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