She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
