oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
