Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
