ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
do nipples grow back?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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