Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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