ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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