I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
