Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
