you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
