Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
