My girlfriend figured out who you are.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
