i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We are all done wearing pants today
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