Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're too hungover to prance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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