I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
