But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
