Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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