East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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