"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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