I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
