The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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