Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
