How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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