Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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