I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's get the cat blown out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
